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This year marks a ten-year milestone since the term “vanishing” hit the common lexicon. Initially, the idea that someone could abruptly cease all contact with a lover without any notice seemed like the peak of disrespect. Our innocence was charming. In the ten-year span since, navigating toward a partner has only become more perplexing – an commonly pointless endeavor in humiliation that is increasingly pigeonholed by social media slang.

Zoomers, a cohort who matured during a social isolation crisis, a masculinity reckoning, and a widespread assault on the freedoms of women and the LGBTQ+ community, faces a far messier terrain than their Gen Y elders could ever fathom. And so their dating vocabulary has grown longer and more deranged, with expressions like “Ogre-ing” and “monkey branching” pushing the boundaries of your mental fortitude.

The following list is a detailed guide to the terms gen Z is using to talk about love, intimacy and the quest of both. To echo one of the recent most viral online sayings, by the conclusion of this glossary you’ll yearn to get back to God’s country – because wherever that is, it is free from “ideological catfishing”.

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The Letter A

Genuineness – For Zoomers, romance's ultimate goal is presenting as your true, raw self. Best wishes with that!

The Letter B

Feathered friend test – A online phenomenon loosely based on a methodology developed by couples researchers, in which you bring up something trivial – for example, “A bird flew by earlier” – and observe whether your partner’s reaction is inquisitive or disinterested. If they aren't interested to hear more about the bird, you two are not compatible.

Independent partner – Gen Z’s answer to the “quirky fantasy girl” archetype of the early 2000s – but instead of having short fringe, liking The Smiths and eschewing commitment, the black cat girlfriend puts herself first while oozing mystery and self-sufficiency. (She could possibly have that fringe.)

C

Chair theory – This means seeking out someone who helps you proactively. If you walked into a room, they would fetch a seat for you to take a load off.

Errand romance – A date where two people bond while doing chores, such as pet care or grocery shopping. In other words, how financially strained people in their 20s do low-cost dating in a post-cheap-date world.

Emotional spiral – Melting down when you feel overwhelmed by life. You can crash out over a infatuation or split, spilling all of your (unrequited) feelings.

D

Dink – Two incomes, no children. Once a marker of 1980s young urban professional affluence, it describes couples who opt out of parenthood to focus on their own well-being. Or because they find it financially impossible to become parents.

The Letter E

Vulnerable signaling – The opposite of acting aloof: utilizing dialogue, transparency and vulnerability.

The Letter F

Signals

• Red flags – Personal quirks indicating a potential partner is bad news. For instance calling their exes crazy, poor gratuity habits, a fondness for controversial director films, a new DJ career …
• Positive signs – These quirks validate your choice to date a mate. Examples include checking in to make sure you got home safely after a date, low screen time, having a bed frame …
• Beige flags – These usually describe niche, mostly harmless idiosyncrasies. For instance being an keen birdwatcher, still carrying around a biro in their wallet, paying the rent in cash …

Freak matching – When you find someone who’s just as passionate about documentaries about the second world war or DVD collecting or collaging or whatever it may be, as you. Or, on the flip side, meeting someone who hates the same stuff or individuals that you do (few things builds closeness faster than having a nemesis).

The Letter G

Geese – A band many young men listens to.

Zombie-ing – Someone who resurfaces into your life after a length of disappearing.

Loyal boyfriend – Someone who is friendly, eager to please and devoted. The rare partner who is beloved by all of his significant other's friends, and a black cat girlfriend's opposite.

Gooners – A mostly online subculture of men so obsessed with self-pleasure that they attempt extended sessions, intentionally postponing orgasm so they can continue as long as possible.

H

Heterofatalism – A mindset describing many women’s increasing cynicism toward straight relationships. It will come as little surprise to anyone who read the previous entry.

Traditional ideal woman – An ideal promoted by online male influencer figures: a woman who is attractive, ever-comforting and happily domestic, who apparently has no ambitions of her own other than pleasing her man partner. Perhaps now you’re beginning to see the whole “heterofatalism” thing better?

The Letter I

Turn-offs – Random and usually everyday repulsions that instantly kill any feelings of interest.

“Actions speak louder" – Something to keep in mind after you watch someone else receive an incredibly romantic gesture.

J

Careers – These have not been this important in the romance landscape since the Wall Street era. For some women, a “finance bro” is the ideal partner: a preppy, Republican-coded guy who will be a provider (there’s a popular TikTok song on the topic). Meanwhile the left-leaning crowd opt for partners in sectors they believe are being staffed by the more nurturing among us: nurses, educators or therapists.

The Letter K

Locking lips – This year, scientists learned that kissing has existed for 16 million years. But the era of locking lips may be waning since some gen Z prefer fewer sex scenes in film, as they are having reduced intimacy themselves and do not find onscreen romance realistic.

Enhanced profile crafting – Catfishing-lite. Or, not exactly being dishonest about who you are, but maybe using outdated (better) photos of yourself on a online profile, or making your job sound more important than it is. Also known as {