The Words shared by A Dad That Helped Me during my time as a First-Time Father

"I believe I was just in survival mode for twelve months."

Former Made In Chelsea star Ryan Libbey anticipated to cope with the challenges of becoming a dad.

Yet the truth rapidly became "very different" to what he'd imagined.

Severe health problems surrounding the birth resulted in his partner Louise admitted to hospital. All of a sudden he was pushed into acting as her primary caregiver in addition to looking after their newborn son Leo.

"I handled all the nights, each diaper… each outing. The role of mother and father," Ryan shared.

Following eleven months he became exhausted. That was when a conversation with his father, on a bench in the park, that led him to understand he couldn't do it alone.

The straightforward statement "You're not in a good place. You must get support. What can I do to support you?" paved the way for Ryan to speak honestly, seek support and regain his footing.

His story is not uncommon, but infrequently talked about. Although society is now more comfortable discussing the pressure on moms and about PND, far less attention is paid about the challenges fathers face.

Asking for help is not weak to ask for help

Ryan believes his challenges are symptomatic of a wider failure to communicate between men, who still hold onto damaging ideas of masculinity.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the rock that just gets smashed and stays upright every time."

"It's not a show of failure to ask for help. I failed to do that soon enough," he clarifies.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist focusing on mental health surrounding childbirth, notes men often don't want to acknowledge they're having a hard time.

They can believe they are "not a legitimate person to be requesting help" - especially in front of a mum and baby - but she highlights their mental health is vitally important to the household.

Ryan's conversation with his dad gave him the chance to ask for a pause - going on a short trip abroad, outside of the domestic setting, to get a fresh outlook.

He realised he required a change to pay attention to his and his partner's emotional states as well as the day-to-day duties of taking care of a newborn.

When he shared with Louise, he discovered he'd missed "what she longed for" -reassuring touch and hearing her out.

Self-parenting

That epiphany has changed how Ryan sees fatherhood.

He's now composing Leo weekly letters about his journey as a dad, which he wishes his son will look at as he grows up.

Ryan believes these will assist his son to better grasp the vocabulary of emotional life and understand his parenting choices.

The concept of "parenting yourself" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since having his son Slimane, who is now four.

When he was young Stephen did not have consistent male a father figure. Even with having an "amazing" bond with his dad, profound trauma meant his father struggled to cope and was "coming and going" of his life, complicating their connection.

Stephen says bottling up emotions caused him to make "bad actions" when in his youth to modify how he was feeling, seeking comfort in substance use as an escape from the pain.

"You find your way to behaviours that are harmful," he explains. "They might briefly alter how you feel, but they will in the end cause more harm."

Advice for Getting By as a New Father

• Open up to someone - when you are under pressure, confide in a friend, your spouse or a professional how you're feeling. Doing so may to ease the pressure and make you feel less isolated.
• Keep up your interests - continue with the pursuits that allowed you to feel like yourself before becoming a parent. It could be exercising, seeing friends or playing video games.
• Pay attention to the physical stuff - nutritious food, staying active and where possible, resting, all contribute in how your emotional health is faring.
• Connect with other new dads - hearing about their journeys, the messy ones, and also the positive moments, can help to normalise how you're experiencing things.
• Understand that asking for help is not failure - looking after yourself is the optimal method you can care for your household.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen expectedly struggled to accept the death, having had no contact with him for years.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's determined not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his child and instead give the security and emotional guidance he missed out on.

When his son threatens to have a meltdown, for example, they practise "releasing the emotion" together - managing the frustrations constructively.

Both Ryan and Stephen state they have become better, healthier men since they confronted their issues, transformed how they talk, and learned to control themselves for their kids.

"I have improved at… sitting with things and managing things," explains Stephen.

"I expressed that in a message to Leo last week," Ryan says. "I said, at times I think my role is to guide and direct you what to do, but the truth is, it's a two-way conversation. I am discovering as much as you are in this journey."